The Words Only I Can Hear

“You are a temple of God, and the Spirit of God dwells in you.” 1 Corinthians 3:16.

The other day I really started thinking about my voice, not the voice I use out loud, but my inner voice, the voice that only I hear.  As women, we all have an inner voice. Sometimes our inner voice, speak positive and uplifting words to our spirits. Our inner voice might say, “My hair looks cute today.” “I am good cook.” “I am a lovable person.” Other times our inner voices tell us negative words, harsh words that crush our spirit. Some of these words might be  “I’m not good enough.” “I’m not pretty.” “I’ll never be smart enough, pretty enough, strong enough, good enough for God to use me.” “I wish I was more like that woman over there.”

The other day, I came across this scripture when I was reading the bible:

“Every word God from is pure. He is a shield to those who put their trust in him.” Proverbs 30:6

                I started thinking if I am a temple of God, and if his spirit dwells within me… shouldn't my inner voice reflect that? If every word from God is pure then shouldn't my words, even the words no one hears be pure as well? If the Spirit of God dwells within me then shouldn't, those words I tell myself only be words that God would say about me?

                As women, we can be so critical of ourselves. Some of things we tell ourselves are so harsh, that we would never say those things to another person. If you struggle with being critical of yourself, I want to encourage you to really think about what you think about. 2 Corinthians 10:5 says that we are to “take every thought captive and make it obedient to God.” This means that we should make our thoughts align with God’s thoughts.

                I want to encourage you think about what you are thinking about? What are some of the things you say about yourselves?  What does God say about you? The two should be the same. 

God is in control

“The mighty one, God the Lord has spoken and called the Earth from the rising of the sun to its going down.” Psalm 50:1

            I have struggled with worry my entire life. Regardless, of how hard I have tried not to worry, or told myself things were going to be okay I could not shake my worries. Once a worry crossed my mind it consumed me. I felt powerless, the minute a worry crossed my mind, I could not make it go away. I would often get awaken in the middle of the night, my mind overcome with worries, my chest so tight I could not breathe. I would lose sleep worrying over stuff I had no control of.

            Lately in my bible study, we have been talking about, how God is in control. I have always heard that “God is in control.” I always knew that, but it never really sank in. I have always been overcome with extreme worry and anxiety. I never knew why or where it came from. I started praying and asking God to show me why worry has such a hold over my life. Through prayer, I realized that the reason I worry so much is because of my desire to control everything. I try to maintain constant control of every aspect over my life, when I have little or no control over many things in my life. When I start to lose control over situations in my life, I become overcome with worry and anxiety.

                        The next time worry and anxiety tried to take hold of my life, I decided to shift my focus. When a worry came into my mind I reminded myself that I had no control over this situation and that worrying was not going to change anything. I told myself that if I had to rely on my own abilities in this situation then I would have a lot to worry about. But I reminded myself that God was the one in control of this situation. If God was the one in control of this situation then I really did not have anything to worry about, because God could definitely handle everything that worries and concerns me. After I shifted my focus to God’s abilities and gave God control over the situation, my worry left my mind immediately. This was the first time in my entire life, that I could remember a worry going away so quickly.

            It has been almost two weeks, since I have stopped trying to control my worries, and giving them over to God. Since then I have experienced a freedom that I never have had. For the first time in my life I have a weapon to fight against my worry and anxiety. The worries still try to sneak into my mind, the way they always have, but they no longer stay the way they used to. Every time a worry comes into my mind, I remind myself that God is in control, so I have nothing to worry about. The worries immediately go away. Since then, my sleep has been more restful. For almost two weeks I have not felt that tight feeling in my chest, that I had come so familiar with. I am so grateful to God that he has given me freedom from my worry and anxiety, a freedom that I never thought I would have.

            If you struggle with worry and anxiety, I encourage you to get alone with God and ask him to show you why. Is it because you are trying to control things you have no control over? If this is the case, I want to encourage you to get alone with God, and give these worries over to him. If God is in control then we do not have a reason to worry. 

Just a Dream: My Miracle from God

                I remember when I had a dream I was pregnant. An angel told me that my husband and I would have a son named Ezra.  It was probably just a dream but it provided me with hope when I needed it. I told myself if I had a son I would name him Ezra.

                At the time of this dream I was not married. I was divorced.  I had just left an abusive marriage, and I began to think that maybe I would never find love. I knew that I wanted to have children of my own, but I wondered if I would be able to. I had a miscarriage, when I was with my ex-husband, and even though the doctor told me I would more than likely be able to have kids, I still wondered if he was wrong.

                In April of 2012 I did marry the love of my life. In September we found out I was pregnant. We were so excited. At this time, I wasn’t too worried about having another miscarriage, because I did not think God would allow me to go through that again.  Shortly after I found out I was pregnant, I had a miscarriage.

                I was devastated and angry at God. Many of my prayers involved me yelling at him and asking him why.  Eventually, I began to grow closer to God, in my hurt. Through this difficult time I felt God was nearer to me than he had been in the good times.

                In April of 2013, I found out I was pregnant again. While I was excited, I worried that I was going to have another miscarriage. Sadly, shortly after I found out I was pregnant I had another miscarriage. I began to think that maybe I would never be able to have children of my own.

                In July I found out I was pregnant again. I was both excited and terrified. Almost every day wondered, “Is this going to be the day that I will lose my baby?”

                Many people prayed for the safety of my baby. The love and kindness people showed me; during this trying time was a reminder of God’s love and care for me.

                I found out the baby was a boy. The doctor told me that everything looked good with my baby, but I still would need to see a high risk specialist. Having my pregnancy labeled “High risk” was scary, it was a reminder that something could go wrong at any moment. Every night I prayed that Ezra would be safe. I constantly reminded myself about my dream.

On March 17^th Ezra was born. When I saw his face for the first time I thought, “Wow, this is what a miracle looks like.”

                I am grateful for every day I get to spend with my son. He is a reminder that miracles are real. I have never forgotten any of my other babies. I know that I will meet them in heaven.
 

10 Things I learned from being a new mommy

1) I can't do it on my own. The only way I can do this mommy thing is God's help. 

2) Patience is key, lots and lots of patience

3) Everyday can be an adventure. My son is so amazed at the little things in life. I took him to the park and the coffee shop, and he soaked everything in. I need to learn to enjoy the little things I life, just like Ezra does.

4) You never stop learning. Every day I am learning more things about my being a mommy, more things about my son, and more things about life in general. 

5) Life is always better when you sing. My six month old son understands this already. I love music and I believe Ezra does too. He already sings in the backseat along to the music. He loves when I sing to him. It always brightens my day and his.

 
6) Don't be afraid to ask for advice, but don’t be afraid to do things your own way. Everyone always has advice for new moms I am learning that I know what is best for my baby. What works for someone else and her child may not work for me and my child. But I still like to get advice from the good mommas I know. 

7) Don’t stress about what the experts say. When Ezra was born, I read everything I could about parenting, and tried to follow everything I read. Then I realized I was going to drive myself crazy. It’s good to follow some of what the “experts” say sometimes, but I am learning that these so-called experts don’t always know what’s best for me or my son.

8) Don’t be afraid to be silly.  Life is too short to be too serious all the time. I love to be silly with my son. He loves it too. 

9) Take lots of pictures!
10) Enjoy every moment with your babies. Everyone says that, but this is so true. My son is 6 months already! It seems like he was just born. 

What are some things being a mommy has taught you? 

He cares about the little things

                “Look at the birds in the air, they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly father feeds them.” Matthew 6:26

Recently, I was reminded that God cares about every detail of my life. He even cares about the small things in my life.  Here are two recent instances where God reminded me that he cares about the little things in my life:

                My husband and I talked about how we wanted to get away for a couple of days, so that we could relax, spend time together, and go fishing. As we discussed possible places to go my husband said that it would be nice to go to Toledo Bend. We started saving up to go, but other things came up, and we have other things to save for, so we were not able to save the money yet. Then my husband’s parents invited us to Toledo Bend with them for the weekend. They rented a house out there and wanted us to get away to and spend some time with them. It was a great blessing! It was a relaxing weekend, and our son enjoyed all of the attention that he got over the weekend from his grandparents.

                My husband and I talked about buying a wearable baby carrier, because my little man is getting heavy. I figured it would be easier to if I had something to put him in. We wanted to buy one that was easy to put him in. I had one already, but had a hard time tying it, and my son would cry and try to get out of it. We were planning on taking money from my husband’s check to buy one, but then a man from church gave me a baby carrier. It was exactly like the one I wanted! He said that he had bought it for his sister-in-law, and she did not want it. What a blessing! What great reminders that God even cares about the small details in our lives.

                Sometimes I forget that God cares about my life. I go through struggles and I do not pray, because I do not think it’s a big enough issue to pray about, or I go to other people about the situation before praying about it.

“Your father cares about what you need before you ask him.” Matthew 6:8

“Don’t worry about anything, Instead pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done.” Philippians 4:6.

 But God cares about everything even the small things. He knows all of our needs, before we come to him. He wants us to trust him, and pray to him about all things. 

What I do.. not what I say

“Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it.” Proverbs 22:6

                A few weeks ago we had Ezra’s baby dedication. My husband and I dedicated our son to the Lord and purposed go raise our son in God’s ways. In other words we purposed to train our child in the way he should go. What does it mean to train your child in the way that he should go? It does mean to tell your child about God, but I believe it goes much deeper than that.

“But if anyone causes one of these little ones—those who believe in me—to stumble, it would be better for them to have a giant millstone hung around their neck and to be drowned in the depths of the sea.” Matthew 18:6

                While it is important that I tell my son about God I think my actions are more important. Even at six months, he is always watching me. He is constantly learning and observing the world around him. He is constantly observing what mommy and daddy are doing.

If I tell Ezra one thing, but do another he will notice. So everyday I need to examine myself my intentions, my desires, my actions.
What do I desire the most out of this life? Am I following goes purpose or my own? Why am I doing the things i do? Am I putting God above all things? Am I being a hypocrite? Am I doing the things I will tell my son to do?

My time is fleeting

“Lord remind me how brief my time on Earth will be. Remind me that my days are numbered—how fleeting my life is.” Psalm 39:4

Everybody always tells me enjoy every moment with Ezra, because they grow so fast. This is so true! It seems like I just bought him home from the hospital a few days ago… How can he possibly be five months already?

            I mentioned in my last post, that sometimes I get so bogged down with all of the things I need to get done that I forget to just enjoy the time that I have with the people I love. I forget that my time with my loved ones is limited, and I am not promised tomorrow. I only have a small amount of time to hug my son and to kiss his sweet face. I only have a small amount of time to hold his hand and tell him that I love him, because when he is older he probably won’t want to be around me much, especially when he is a teenager. I only have a small amount of time to teach him about God, and to teach him right from wrong. Once he gets older his beliefs will be formed in his mind, and it will be too late to teach him these things.

            As a reminder to myself that I need to enjoy every moment with my son, and that my time with him is short, I am going to list the things I love about him. These are things that I need to enjoy while they last, because they will soon change.

1)      I love his laugh and his smile.

2)      He started pulling a blanket over and off of his face, and laughing. It’s so cute. He’s playing peek-a-boo with himself.

3)      I love how much he loves his mommy. In the morning when he sees me coming towards him he smiles.

4)      He loves to spend time with his mommy. When I play with him or read to him he smiles.

5)      I love that his favorite song is “This Little Light of Mine.” If he is crying and I play that song for him, he stops crying and starts laughing.

6)      I love watching him learn in this stage of his life. I am amazed at how much he has learned. He has learned to sit, roll over, smile, and laugh in five months. He is also trying to learn to crawl.

7)      I love getting to know his personality.

8)      I love rocking him to sleep and singing to him. Sometimes when he is tired, he falls asleep the moment I pick him up. It’s so sweet that he likes me to rock him.

            These are all things I love about my son and the stage he is in right now. What are the things you love about your children?

Do my dishes really matter?

                Last night I carefully put my sleeping son into his crib. Then I quietly tiptoed out of the room, my mind running down the list of all of the things I was going to get done. The first thing on my list was to tackle my kitchen. I would start with the dishes. The moment my hand hit the water, I heard my son begin to scream his head off. It was his “I’m extremely tired, but I need someone to rock me because I’m going to stay awake, as long as I possibly can.” cry

                Immediately I got upset. “Why can’t he just go back to sleep?” I thought. My mind raced to all chores and tasks I needed to get done. I started thinking of all the things that probably wouldn’t get done, unless I stayed up late after my son finally fell back asleep. But this would mean I would lose a few much needed hours of sleep. I knew my husband could not rock him. My son did not want my husband. He wanted me. When he is tired, he wants his momma. When my husband tries to rock Ezra to sleep, he cries and stares at me, until I pick him up.

                So, I found myself walking to my son’s crib. Of course, I was still grumbling to myself, and thinking of all the things I needed to get done, but couldn’t. When I picked up Ezra, he immediately stopped crying. Then he looked at me and smiled. Then I started to feel bad. Here I was annoyed, and he just wanted to be near me. He just wanted me to hold him.

                So, I sat with Ezra in the rocker in our living room. I began to hold him close, rock him, and sing softly to him. He smiled and snuggled close to me.

                I began to think:

                Wow, I need to change my attitude!

                My son won’t be this small forever. He won’t need me to rock him forever. When he gets older, he probably won’t think he needs me at all.  He won’t always want to be near me.

                Unfortunately, my housework will always be there. But my son will not.

                As I looked at my sweet son, his eyes now half closed half gazing at me as he snuggled close to me, I began thinking…

                This is a moment I should cherish, not grumble about. This is a precious moment. Last night I resolved to not be so task oriented. Sure things need to get done, but these things should NEVER become more important than the people in my life. When my son grows up, I do not think he will care about how clean my house was or how many things I was able to get done. He will care about the time I spent with him, all those times I was there when he cried, the times I played with him, and made him laugh.

                What are you making a priority? Are you making tasks more important than the people in your life?

To be like a child

                Yesterday I saw a cute little girl in the cry room at church. She smiled as soon as she saw me and my son. “Hi, I love your little baby,” she said.

                Her sweetness made me smile. I was reminded of what Jesus’s love for children.

                “Jesus said, ‘Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such of these.”

“And he said, ‘Truly I tell you, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven.” Matthew 18:3

Wow! Jesus said that the kingdom of heaven belongs to the children. He went as far to say that unless we become like children we will not enter the kingdom of heaven. Often I get so focused on the things that I can teach the children in my life. But what about the things I can learn from them? If I have to become like a child in order to enter heaven,  there must be a lot I have to learn from them. Here are some principles I have learned from the children in my life:

1.)    We must totally depend on God for our needs and trust that God will provide us with everything we need. My son trusts and loves me. He knows that I will give him everything he needs. This is how I want it. I want my son to know I love him, and I will always be there for him and take care of him. I am certain that our heavenly father wants the same thing for his children. He wants us to know that we can trust and depend on him. But how often do we worry, and question his ability to care for us?

2.)    We should delight in the Lord, and look forward to our time with him. When my son hears my voice or sees me he gets excited. He throws his hands up in the air and coos and smiles. It always makes me so happy to see his reaction to me. I am sure that our heavenly father must feel the same joy when he sees us looking forward to our time with him, or delighting in his wonders. How many times do we act and if we have something more important to do than talking to God or worshipping him? I wonder how much our life would change if we looked forward to our time with the Lord and remember why we love him.

3.)    We should keep our eyes on the Lord. When I go somewhere new with my son or someone else is holding him, he keeps his eyes on me. He has to make sure that I am there with him. I wonder how much our lives would change if we kept our eyes on our heavenly father, just as our children keep their eyes on us. What would it look like to keep our eyes on God? We wouldn’t want to go anywhere God wasn’t; we would seek him and his plan for our lives.

4.)    We should be honest with others and ourselves. I don’t know anyone who is more honest than a child. When I was in high school I babysat a little girl, while her mom was in the hospital having a baby. I spent the night at her house to watch her. When we woke up, she said, “You are very pretty, but look a lot prettier when you wear makeup…maybe you should put some on. You would look a whole lot better.” Ah, the honesty of a child. I am not suggesting that we should be so harsh with each other, but that we should start being more honest with each other and ourselves. What would our lives look like if we had the honesty of a child?

5.)    We should express our emotions. When my son is upset, he cries. When he is happy, he smiles and laughs. That sounds simple enough doesn’t it? But do we really express our feelings. How often do we smile and say “I’m doing good,” when really we are having a horrible day. We often fake a smile, when inside we are falling apart. What if we started telling others how we truly feel? The bible say, that two are better than one. We are better off when we have a friend with us to see us through our dark times. I am not saying that we should go around telling everyone our struggles, but we should have a friend we can go to when we need.

“Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor, If either of them falls down, one can help the other up, but pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them. Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm, but how can one keep warm alone? Though one may be overpowered two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.” Ecclesiastes 4:9-12

      6) We should play, imagine, and dream. The imagination of a child runs rampant. A child’s imagination is limitless. A child believes he can do anything or go anywhere. Nothing is impossible. Somewhere along the way, as adults, we lose sight of our dreams. The harsh realities of life weigh us down. We become bogged down with the responsibilities and we do not have time to play or imagine. Sure we have responsibilities that we need to take seriously, but we need to take time and enjoy life as well. Just because we are responsible does not mean that we have to leave our dreams behind, or lose hope. The bible says “Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life.” Proverbs 13:12 How sick are our hearts?  Have we lost sight of our dreams? Doesn’t God want us to enjoy the life he has given us? Isn’t it possible God is the one that put the dreams in our hearts that we are so ready to let go of? How would our lives be better if we would continue to play, imagine, and dream as adults?

        7) We should stop and enjoy the beauty of life around us. Children are so in awe of their surroundings. My mom told me that once she took my cousin who was three at the time, to eat at a restaurant. When she got her food, she stopped and said “Wow, this food is so beautiful.” Children are amazed at the world around them. Somewhere along the way we lose sight of the beautiful things around us. We do not take time to appreciate beauty. Perhaps we are just too bogged down by the bad stuff in life. Maybe we tell ourselves we are too busy to appreciate the life around us. What if we spent a few minutes each day appreciating the beauty around us? How would our attitudes change if we did this?

        8) We should give to others gifts that are from our hearts. You have probably heard the expression it’s the thought that counts. No one understands that better than a child. Some of the most heartfelt and sweet gifts come from children. They give homemade cards, handpicked flowers, and drawings that have I love you written on them. They smile with deep sincerity when they give these gifts to us. What if we gave heartfelt gifts to those people in our lives that we care about?

       9) They enjoy the simple things in life.  How many times have we heard of a kid who would rather play with a box then his new expensive toy? As adults we are told that we need the best and newest of everything. We need the newest cars, clothes, phones, and technology. There is nothing wrong with having some of these things, but when did they become a necessity? Do we really need those things to make us happy?

10) We should tell the people in our lives that we love and care about them. Children are quick to tell the people they care about that they love them. With sincerity they are quick to tell others what they mean to them. Do we remember to tell the people we care about how much they mean to us? Do the people in our lives know how much we love them?

What are some of the things that you have learned from the children in your life?

Why Worry

  I have been involved in an online bible study called Am I Messing Up My Kids. The focus of this week is Why Worry?

Why do I worry? That’s an excellent question. I have been known as a worry wart for most of my life. If there is nothing to worry about I find things to worry about. Being a mom brings about even more worries than I had before.

Why worry? Why do I worry?

I worry all the time…

But God says that worry is counterproductive. It does not change anything, and brings harm to us.

“Which one of you by worry can add a single hour to his span of life” Luke 12:25

“Anxiety in a man’s heart weighs him down…” Proverbs 12:25

I worry about our finances. I worry that we will not be able to provide enough for our son. I worry that we will not have enough money to pay bills, or buy the things we need…

But God says that he will provide us with everything we need.

“And my God will supply every need of yours according to his riches and glory in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 4:6

I worry about my son. I worry about his well-being. I worry about whether or not I am  a good enough mother.

But God say that he cares for my son. He wants my son to be near to him. My job is to teach Ezra about Jesus. If I do this, even if he strays from the Lord, God says he will always go back to what I taught him about God.

“Jesus said ‘let the little children come to me, do not hinder them from me, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these.” Matthew 19:14

“Start your children off on the way to go and even when they are older they will not turn from it.” Proverbs 22:6

I worry I will make mistakes, as a parent, a wife, in general. Sometimes I try to be perfect. 

God says I will make mistakes. I will never be close to perfect. I am a sinner. But God also says despite my shortcomings I can find my strength in him. His grace is enough for me.

“For all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God.” Romans 3:23

“But he said to me, ‘my grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in your weakness.’ Therefore, I will boast more gladly about my weaknesses so that Christ’s power will rest on me.” 2 Corinthians 12:9

I worry I will say or do the wrong thing to people. I worry other people will judge me or talk bad about me. I am afraid of rejection. Sometimes I am afraid to do what God wants me to do because I worry others won’t like me.

But God tells me I should be more concerned about what he thinks about me than what others think of me.

“Fear not them that which kill the body, but are not able to kill the soul, but rather fear him which is able to destroy both soul and body in hell.” Mathew 10:28

The world is filled with so much corruption and destruction. Every time I turn on the news or read my Facebook my mind runs rampant with all of the bad things that could happen to me or the people I love.

But God says that he will protect me and my loved ones.

“Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death I will fear no evil for you are with me. Your rod and staff they comfort me. “Psalm 23:4

I often tell myself that I am a worrier. It’s just the way I am. My mom was a worrier. My grandmother was a worrier. My family line consist of women worry warts. This is just who I am and I can’t change it.

But God tells me that I am not a worrier, and that he has given me peace. I do not have to live in fear, but I can walk in God’s peace.

“Peace I leave to you my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid. “John 14:27

“Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful. “ Colossians 3:15

Why do I worry?

God says that I do not have anything to be worried or fearful of. All I need to do is give my concerns to him, and he will take care of it. He alleviates my anxiety and give me peace if I trust in him.

“Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving present your request to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 4 : 6-7

“Cast all your cares on the Lord. He will sustain you; he will never let the righteous fall.” Psalm 55:22

Why do you worry? What does God say about your worries and fears?

Favorite Ways to Relax and Refill

When my son was born I started to feel guilty when I had “me time.” Before he was born, I was always on the go, involved in a lot of volunteer work, bible studies, and activities. After my son was born, I cut back on a lot of things, so that I could have more free time to be home with my son. There was nothing wrong with me wanting to have more time to spend with my son. I still continued some of the activities I was in before my son, but I felt guilty every time I left the house without him. When he was born, I cut back on the time I spent reading the bible and praying. I told myself I was busy, and didn’t have much time. Didn’t have much time? Seriously? Isn’t it ridiculous that we get too busy for God, when he is the thing in life we need the most? How did I think I would function as a new mom without  God?

                I enjoy writing, but after my son was born I didn’t have time for that either. I stopped doing a lot of things I enjoyed doing to have more time with my son. I acted like Robo-Mom spending all of my free time taking care of my son or trying to maintain my house.   told myself I was being a good mom,  sacrificing the things I loved for  my son, but I started feeling empty inside. I needed my time with God, and I needed my “me time.” I started to realize, that if I did not make time to relax and refill I would be empty inside, and if I am empty inside I will not have anything to give to the people in my life, my husband, my son, my family, and friends. You cannot give what you do not have to give. I started making my God time and my “me time” a priority in my life. I pray and read the bible first thing every morning. That’s what I did before I was a mom, why should I stop now?  I am trying not to feel guilty about the activities I am involved in. I did cut back a lot, and it’s okay for me to have some time away from my son. I write every day, now even if it is just for ten minutes a day with my son next to me. It helps me to refill, and energizes, because writing is one of the things God created me to do. I am able to maintain my house better and take care of my son better, when I make God priority and little have a little time for me every day.

Here are some of the things I do to relax and refill:

·         Read the bible

·         Pray

·         Write letters to God. (It’s one of the ways I pray. I feel more connected to God , when I express myself to him in my writing)

·         Listen to music

·         Worship God

·         Read ( I am enjoying reading the Am I Messing Up my Kids. It is part of  an online bible study I have been doing that has helped me to refill as well.

·         Work on my son’s scrapbook, baby book, or journal.  (I am keeping a journal of all the things he does I want to remember

·         Exercise ( I always feel refreshed after I work out. It gives me energy. My son likes to sit in his swing and smile at me while I work out.

What are some things that you like to do to relax and refill?
                

Being a Mother is Tough

Being a mommy is tough! When I was waiting for the arrival of my little man, I had this image in my mind of how I thought motherhood would be. Sure, I knew that I would face difficulties as a parent, but I thought that being a mommy would come naturally and relatively easy. I had always wanted children. (At one time I wanted to have four of my own children and adopt kids that needed a family. That was before I met my husband, and before he looked at me like I had was an elephant wearing clown shoes or something, when I told him how many kids I wanted. We decided 3 was a more reasonable number of children to aim for.) The truth is my mom made being mommy look so easy. She was always there for us, and showed me the meaning of unconditional love.

            When I was pregnant, my mother said that when Ezra was born she was going to come to my house and help me with him for a few weeks. She said she could clean the house for me or watch Ezra, while I took a nap. I told her she could come, but I didn’t really think I would need that much help. Then people kept asking me if I was going to have someone to help me out after Ezra was born.  I remember thinking, “Why does everyone keep asking me that? I got this!” I thought I was going to be super mom, donning a pink cape with the letters SM stitched to my costume. I envisioned myself flying around my house, caring for a newborn with a perfectly plastered smile on my face, as I continued to prepare home cooked meals, and keep the house spotless, while my sweet angel of a baby boy napped.

            Boy was I in for a rude awakening when I came home with my son! I had given up coffee, during pregnancy. The plan was to continue to stay away from caffeine, because I was breastfeeding and I did not want my son exposed to caffeine. After the first night of barely any sleep I quickly downed a cup of coffee. I exclusively breast feed my son. I knew that this was best for my son and it couldn’t be that tough right? Wrong! Breastfeeding is painful. In the beginning my baby boy ate every hour and a half. I felt like all I was doing was feeding my son, and if I got to sleep for twenty minute increments at night I felt like I was in heaven. I quickly realized how much I truly needed caffeine.  I did not prepare home cooked meals for a while. Fast food became my new best friend, and if my house ever was clean it was because my mother had come over and helped me. (I quickly welcomed her help.)

            I soon learned that being a mother is tough. I thought that it would get easier. It some way it has. My son is now four months. I have been getting more sleep. Before being a mommy I never realized that five hours of sleep is a blessing. I am able to cook again, and my son doesn’t eat every hour and a half anymore. But my house is still not spotless, and being a mom is still tough. But I love every crazy minute of it. I love my son and wouldn’t trade my tough days with him for easier ones.

            Being a mommy taught me one thing. I can’t do it on my own. I need help. In the beginning I needed my mom’s help. I need my husband’s help, and of course I need the most help from God. I have realized that I am not Super Mom. I never will be. The only way that I will be able to do this mommy thing is if I stay on my knees, looking up to God for guidance. If being a mommy had taught me anything it is humility and how much I need God’s help in all things.