God is in control

“The mighty one, God the Lord has spoken and called the Earth from the rising of the sun to its going down.” Psalm 50:1

            I have struggled with worry my entire life. Regardless, of how hard I have tried not to worry, or told myself things were going to be okay I could not shake my worries. Once a worry crossed my mind it consumed me. I felt powerless, the minute a worry crossed my mind, I could not make it go away. I would often get awaken in the middle of the night, my mind overcome with worries, my chest so tight I could not breathe. I would lose sleep worrying over stuff I had no control of.

            Lately in my bible study, we have been talking about, how God is in control. I have always heard that “God is in control.” I always knew that, but it never really sank in. I have always been overcome with extreme worry and anxiety. I never knew why or where it came from. I started praying and asking God to show me why worry has such a hold over my life. Through prayer, I realized that the reason I worry so much is because of my desire to control everything. I try to maintain constant control of every aspect over my life, when I have little or no control over many things in my life. When I start to lose control over situations in my life, I become overcome with worry and anxiety.

                        The next time worry and anxiety tried to take hold of my life, I decided to shift my focus. When a worry came into my mind I reminded myself that I had no control over this situation and that worrying was not going to change anything. I told myself that if I had to rely on my own abilities in this situation then I would have a lot to worry about. But I reminded myself that God was the one in control of this situation. If God was the one in control of this situation then I really did not have anything to worry about, because God could definitely handle everything that worries and concerns me. After I shifted my focus to God’s abilities and gave God control over the situation, my worry left my mind immediately. This was the first time in my entire life, that I could remember a worry going away so quickly.

            It has been almost two weeks, since I have stopped trying to control my worries, and giving them over to God. Since then I have experienced a freedom that I never have had. For the first time in my life I have a weapon to fight against my worry and anxiety. The worries still try to sneak into my mind, the way they always have, but they no longer stay the way they used to. Every time a worry comes into my mind, I remind myself that God is in control, so I have nothing to worry about. The worries immediately go away. Since then, my sleep has been more restful. For almost two weeks I have not felt that tight feeling in my chest, that I had come so familiar with. I am so grateful to God that he has given me freedom from my worry and anxiety, a freedom that I never thought I would have.

            If you struggle with worry and anxiety, I encourage you to get alone with God and ask him to show you why. Is it because you are trying to control things you have no control over? If this is the case, I want to encourage you to get alone with God, and give these worries over to him. If God is in control then we do not have a reason to worry. 

Just a Dream: My Miracle from God

                I remember when I had a dream I was pregnant. An angel told me that my husband and I would have a son named Ezra.  It was probably just a dream but it provided me with hope when I needed it. I told myself if I had a son I would name him Ezra.

                At the time of this dream I was not married. I was divorced.  I had just left an abusive marriage, and I began to think that maybe I would never find love. I knew that I wanted to have children of my own, but I wondered if I would be able to. I had a miscarriage, when I was with my ex-husband, and even though the doctor told me I would more than likely be able to have kids, I still wondered if he was wrong.

                In April of 2012 I did marry the love of my life. In September we found out I was pregnant. We were so excited. At this time, I wasn’t too worried about having another miscarriage, because I did not think God would allow me to go through that again.  Shortly after I found out I was pregnant, I had a miscarriage.

                I was devastated and angry at God. Many of my prayers involved me yelling at him and asking him why.  Eventually, I began to grow closer to God, in my hurt. Through this difficult time I felt God was nearer to me than he had been in the good times.

                In April of 2013, I found out I was pregnant again. While I was excited, I worried that I was going to have another miscarriage. Sadly, shortly after I found out I was pregnant I had another miscarriage. I began to think that maybe I would never be able to have children of my own.

                In July I found out I was pregnant again. I was both excited and terrified. Almost every day wondered, “Is this going to be the day that I will lose my baby?”

                Many people prayed for the safety of my baby. The love and kindness people showed me; during this trying time was a reminder of God’s love and care for me.

                I found out the baby was a boy. The doctor told me that everything looked good with my baby, but I still would need to see a high risk specialist. Having my pregnancy labeled “High risk” was scary, it was a reminder that something could go wrong at any moment. Every night I prayed that Ezra would be safe. I constantly reminded myself about my dream.

On March 17^th Ezra was born. When I saw his face for the first time I thought, “Wow, this is what a miracle looks like.”

                I am grateful for every day I get to spend with my son. He is a reminder that miracles are real. I have never forgotten any of my other babies. I know that I will meet them in heaven.