Just a Dream: My Miracle from God

                I remember when I had a dream I was pregnant. An angel told me that my husband and I would have a son named Ezra.  It was probably just a dream but it provided me with hope when I needed it. I told myself if I had a son I would name him Ezra.

                At the time of this dream I was not married. I was divorced.  I had just left an abusive marriage, and I began to think that maybe I would never find love. I knew that I wanted to have children of my own, but I wondered if I would be able to. I had a miscarriage, when I was with my ex-husband, and even though the doctor told me I would more than likely be able to have kids, I still wondered if he was wrong.

                In April of 2012 I did marry the love of my life. In September we found out I was pregnant. We were so excited. At this time, I wasn’t too worried about having another miscarriage, because I did not think God would allow me to go through that again.  Shortly after I found out I was pregnant, I had a miscarriage.

                I was devastated and angry at God. Many of my prayers involved me yelling at him and asking him why.  Eventually, I began to grow closer to God, in my hurt. Through this difficult time I felt God was nearer to me than he had been in the good times.

                In April of 2013, I found out I was pregnant again. While I was excited, I worried that I was going to have another miscarriage. Sadly, shortly after I found out I was pregnant I had another miscarriage. I began to think that maybe I would never be able to have children of my own.

                In July I found out I was pregnant again. I was both excited and terrified. Almost every day wondered, “Is this going to be the day that I will lose my baby?”

                Many people prayed for the safety of my baby. The love and kindness people showed me; during this trying time was a reminder of God’s love and care for me.

                I found out the baby was a boy. The doctor told me that everything looked good with my baby, but I still would need to see a high risk specialist. Having my pregnancy labeled “High risk” was scary, it was a reminder that something could go wrong at any moment. Every night I prayed that Ezra would be safe. I constantly reminded myself about my dream.

On March 17^th Ezra was born. When I saw his face for the first time I thought, “Wow, this is what a miracle looks like.”

                I am grateful for every day I get to spend with my son. He is a reminder that miracles are real. I have never forgotten any of my other babies. I know that I will meet them in heaven.
 

10 Things I learned from being a new mommy

1) I can't do it on my own. The only way I can do this mommy thing is God's help. 

2) Patience is key, lots and lots of patience

3) Everyday can be an adventure. My son is so amazed at the little things in life. I took him to the park and the coffee shop, and he soaked everything in. I need to learn to enjoy the little things I life, just like Ezra does.

4) You never stop learning. Every day I am learning more things about my being a mommy, more things about my son, and more things about life in general. 

5) Life is always better when you sing. My six month old son understands this already. I love music and I believe Ezra does too. He already sings in the backseat along to the music. He loves when I sing to him. It always brightens my day and his.

 
6) Don't be afraid to ask for advice, but don’t be afraid to do things your own way. Everyone always has advice for new moms I am learning that I know what is best for my baby. What works for someone else and her child may not work for me and my child. But I still like to get advice from the good mommas I know. 

7) Don’t stress about what the experts say. When Ezra was born, I read everything I could about parenting, and tried to follow everything I read. Then I realized I was going to drive myself crazy. It’s good to follow some of what the “experts” say sometimes, but I am learning that these so-called experts don’t always know what’s best for me or my son.

8) Don’t be afraid to be silly.  Life is too short to be too serious all the time. I love to be silly with my son. He loves it too. 

9) Take lots of pictures!
10) Enjoy every moment with your babies. Everyone says that, but this is so true. My son is 6 months already! It seems like he was just born. 

What are some things being a mommy has taught you? 

He cares about the little things

                “Look at the birds in the air, they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly father feeds them.” Matthew 6:26

Recently, I was reminded that God cares about every detail of my life. He even cares about the small things in my life.  Here are two recent instances where God reminded me that he cares about the little things in my life:

                My husband and I talked about how we wanted to get away for a couple of days, so that we could relax, spend time together, and go fishing. As we discussed possible places to go my husband said that it would be nice to go to Toledo Bend. We started saving up to go, but other things came up, and we have other things to save for, so we were not able to save the money yet. Then my husband’s parents invited us to Toledo Bend with them for the weekend. They rented a house out there and wanted us to get away to and spend some time with them. It was a great blessing! It was a relaxing weekend, and our son enjoyed all of the attention that he got over the weekend from his grandparents.

                My husband and I talked about buying a wearable baby carrier, because my little man is getting heavy. I figured it would be easier to if I had something to put him in. We wanted to buy one that was easy to put him in. I had one already, but had a hard time tying it, and my son would cry and try to get out of it. We were planning on taking money from my husband’s check to buy one, but then a man from church gave me a baby carrier. It was exactly like the one I wanted! He said that he had bought it for his sister-in-law, and she did not want it. What a blessing! What great reminders that God even cares about the small details in our lives.

                Sometimes I forget that God cares about my life. I go through struggles and I do not pray, because I do not think it’s a big enough issue to pray about, or I go to other people about the situation before praying about it.

“Your father cares about what you need before you ask him.” Matthew 6:8

“Don’t worry about anything, Instead pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done.” Philippians 4:6.

 But God cares about everything even the small things. He knows all of our needs, before we come to him. He wants us to trust him, and pray to him about all things. 

What I do.. not what I say

“Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it.” Proverbs 22:6

                A few weeks ago we had Ezra’s baby dedication. My husband and I dedicated our son to the Lord and purposed go raise our son in God’s ways. In other words we purposed to train our child in the way he should go. What does it mean to train your child in the way that he should go? It does mean to tell your child about God, but I believe it goes much deeper than that.

“But if anyone causes one of these little ones—those who believe in me—to stumble, it would be better for them to have a giant millstone hung around their neck and to be drowned in the depths of the sea.” Matthew 18:6

                While it is important that I tell my son about God I think my actions are more important. Even at six months, he is always watching me. He is constantly learning and observing the world around him. He is constantly observing what mommy and daddy are doing.

If I tell Ezra one thing, but do another he will notice. So everyday I need to examine myself my intentions, my desires, my actions.
What do I desire the most out of this life? Am I following goes purpose or my own? Why am I doing the things i do? Am I putting God above all things? Am I being a hypocrite? Am I doing the things I will tell my son to do?

My time is fleeting

“Lord remind me how brief my time on Earth will be. Remind me that my days are numbered—how fleeting my life is.” Psalm 39:4

Everybody always tells me enjoy every moment with Ezra, because they grow so fast. This is so true! It seems like I just bought him home from the hospital a few days ago… How can he possibly be five months already?

            I mentioned in my last post, that sometimes I get so bogged down with all of the things I need to get done that I forget to just enjoy the time that I have with the people I love. I forget that my time with my loved ones is limited, and I am not promised tomorrow. I only have a small amount of time to hug my son and to kiss his sweet face. I only have a small amount of time to hold his hand and tell him that I love him, because when he is older he probably won’t want to be around me much, especially when he is a teenager. I only have a small amount of time to teach him about God, and to teach him right from wrong. Once he gets older his beliefs will be formed in his mind, and it will be too late to teach him these things.

            As a reminder to myself that I need to enjoy every moment with my son, and that my time with him is short, I am going to list the things I love about him. These are things that I need to enjoy while they last, because they will soon change.

1)      I love his laugh and his smile.

2)      He started pulling a blanket over and off of his face, and laughing. It’s so cute. He’s playing peek-a-boo with himself.

3)      I love how much he loves his mommy. In the morning when he sees me coming towards him he smiles.

4)      He loves to spend time with his mommy. When I play with him or read to him he smiles.

5)      I love that his favorite song is “This Little Light of Mine.” If he is crying and I play that song for him, he stops crying and starts laughing.

6)      I love watching him learn in this stage of his life. I am amazed at how much he has learned. He has learned to sit, roll over, smile, and laugh in five months. He is also trying to learn to crawl.

7)      I love getting to know his personality.

8)      I love rocking him to sleep and singing to him. Sometimes when he is tired, he falls asleep the moment I pick him up. It’s so sweet that he likes me to rock him.

            These are all things I love about my son and the stage he is in right now. What are the things you love about your children?

Do my dishes really matter?

                Last night I carefully put my sleeping son into his crib. Then I quietly tiptoed out of the room, my mind running down the list of all of the things I was going to get done. The first thing on my list was to tackle my kitchen. I would start with the dishes. The moment my hand hit the water, I heard my son begin to scream his head off. It was his “I’m extremely tired, but I need someone to rock me because I’m going to stay awake, as long as I possibly can.” cry

                Immediately I got upset. “Why can’t he just go back to sleep?” I thought. My mind raced to all chores and tasks I needed to get done. I started thinking of all the things that probably wouldn’t get done, unless I stayed up late after my son finally fell back asleep. But this would mean I would lose a few much needed hours of sleep. I knew my husband could not rock him. My son did not want my husband. He wanted me. When he is tired, he wants his momma. When my husband tries to rock Ezra to sleep, he cries and stares at me, until I pick him up.

                So, I found myself walking to my son’s crib. Of course, I was still grumbling to myself, and thinking of all the things I needed to get done, but couldn’t. When I picked up Ezra, he immediately stopped crying. Then he looked at me and smiled. Then I started to feel bad. Here I was annoyed, and he just wanted to be near me. He just wanted me to hold him.

                So, I sat with Ezra in the rocker in our living room. I began to hold him close, rock him, and sing softly to him. He smiled and snuggled close to me.

                I began to think:

                Wow, I need to change my attitude!

                My son won’t be this small forever. He won’t need me to rock him forever. When he gets older, he probably won’t think he needs me at all.  He won’t always want to be near me.

                Unfortunately, my housework will always be there. But my son will not.

                As I looked at my sweet son, his eyes now half closed half gazing at me as he snuggled close to me, I began thinking…

                This is a moment I should cherish, not grumble about. This is a precious moment. Last night I resolved to not be so task oriented. Sure things need to get done, but these things should NEVER become more important than the people in my life. When my son grows up, I do not think he will care about how clean my house was or how many things I was able to get done. He will care about the time I spent with him, all those times I was there when he cried, the times I played with him, and made him laugh.

                What are you making a priority? Are you making tasks more important than the people in your life?

To be like a child

                Yesterday I saw a cute little girl in the cry room at church. She smiled as soon as she saw me and my son. “Hi, I love your little baby,” she said.

                Her sweetness made me smile. I was reminded of what Jesus’s love for children.

                “Jesus said, ‘Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such of these.”

“And he said, ‘Truly I tell you, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven.” Matthew 18:3

Wow! Jesus said that the kingdom of heaven belongs to the children. He went as far to say that unless we become like children we will not enter the kingdom of heaven. Often I get so focused on the things that I can teach the children in my life. But what about the things I can learn from them? If I have to become like a child in order to enter heaven,  there must be a lot I have to learn from them. Here are some principles I have learned from the children in my life:

1.)    We must totally depend on God for our needs and trust that God will provide us with everything we need. My son trusts and loves me. He knows that I will give him everything he needs. This is how I want it. I want my son to know I love him, and I will always be there for him and take care of him. I am certain that our heavenly father wants the same thing for his children. He wants us to know that we can trust and depend on him. But how often do we worry, and question his ability to care for us?

2.)    We should delight in the Lord, and look forward to our time with him. When my son hears my voice or sees me he gets excited. He throws his hands up in the air and coos and smiles. It always makes me so happy to see his reaction to me. I am sure that our heavenly father must feel the same joy when he sees us looking forward to our time with him, or delighting in his wonders. How many times do we act and if we have something more important to do than talking to God or worshipping him? I wonder how much our life would change if we looked forward to our time with the Lord and remember why we love him.

3.)    We should keep our eyes on the Lord. When I go somewhere new with my son or someone else is holding him, he keeps his eyes on me. He has to make sure that I am there with him. I wonder how much our lives would change if we kept our eyes on our heavenly father, just as our children keep their eyes on us. What would it look like to keep our eyes on God? We wouldn’t want to go anywhere God wasn’t; we would seek him and his plan for our lives.

4.)    We should be honest with others and ourselves. I don’t know anyone who is more honest than a child. When I was in high school I babysat a little girl, while her mom was in the hospital having a baby. I spent the night at her house to watch her. When we woke up, she said, “You are very pretty, but look a lot prettier when you wear makeup…maybe you should put some on. You would look a whole lot better.” Ah, the honesty of a child. I am not suggesting that we should be so harsh with each other, but that we should start being more honest with each other and ourselves. What would our lives look like if we had the honesty of a child?

5.)    We should express our emotions. When my son is upset, he cries. When he is happy, he smiles and laughs. That sounds simple enough doesn’t it? But do we really express our feelings. How often do we smile and say “I’m doing good,” when really we are having a horrible day. We often fake a smile, when inside we are falling apart. What if we started telling others how we truly feel? The bible say, that two are better than one. We are better off when we have a friend with us to see us through our dark times. I am not saying that we should go around telling everyone our struggles, but we should have a friend we can go to when we need.

“Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor, If either of them falls down, one can help the other up, but pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them. Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm, but how can one keep warm alone? Though one may be overpowered two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.” Ecclesiastes 4:9-12

      6) We should play, imagine, and dream. The imagination of a child runs rampant. A child’s imagination is limitless. A child believes he can do anything or go anywhere. Nothing is impossible. Somewhere along the way, as adults, we lose sight of our dreams. The harsh realities of life weigh us down. We become bogged down with the responsibilities and we do not have time to play or imagine. Sure we have responsibilities that we need to take seriously, but we need to take time and enjoy life as well. Just because we are responsible does not mean that we have to leave our dreams behind, or lose hope. The bible says “Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life.” Proverbs 13:12 How sick are our hearts?  Have we lost sight of our dreams? Doesn’t God want us to enjoy the life he has given us? Isn’t it possible God is the one that put the dreams in our hearts that we are so ready to let go of? How would our lives be better if we would continue to play, imagine, and dream as adults?

        7) We should stop and enjoy the beauty of life around us. Children are so in awe of their surroundings. My mom told me that once she took my cousin who was three at the time, to eat at a restaurant. When she got her food, she stopped and said “Wow, this food is so beautiful.” Children are amazed at the world around them. Somewhere along the way we lose sight of the beautiful things around us. We do not take time to appreciate beauty. Perhaps we are just too bogged down by the bad stuff in life. Maybe we tell ourselves we are too busy to appreciate the life around us. What if we spent a few minutes each day appreciating the beauty around us? How would our attitudes change if we did this?

        8) We should give to others gifts that are from our hearts. You have probably heard the expression it’s the thought that counts. No one understands that better than a child. Some of the most heartfelt and sweet gifts come from children. They give homemade cards, handpicked flowers, and drawings that have I love you written on them. They smile with deep sincerity when they give these gifts to us. What if we gave heartfelt gifts to those people in our lives that we care about?

       9) They enjoy the simple things in life.  How many times have we heard of a kid who would rather play with a box then his new expensive toy? As adults we are told that we need the best and newest of everything. We need the newest cars, clothes, phones, and technology. There is nothing wrong with having some of these things, but when did they become a necessity? Do we really need those things to make us happy?

10) We should tell the people in our lives that we love and care about them. Children are quick to tell the people they care about that they love them. With sincerity they are quick to tell others what they mean to them. Do we remember to tell the people we care about how much they mean to us? Do the people in our lives know how much we love them?

What are some of the things that you have learned from the children in your life?