My Big Mouth

“He who guards his mouth preserves his life, but he who opens wide his lips shall have destruction.” Proverbs 13: 3

                For the past few weeks I have been reading through the book of Proverbs. A reoccurring them has been the power of words, and the negative effects my big mouth has on the people in my life. The past few weeks I have been reexaming my words. I have been thinking about all of the times, I should have kept my mouth shut, but instead opened my lips wide. I began to think of the destruction that my words may have caused those I care about.  

“The wise woman builds her house, but the foolish pulls it down with her hands.” Proverbs 14: 1.

                As I read this verse last week, I began to think about how it applies to my words. As a wife and a mother my words have the power to either build my house up or tear it down. I must continually ask myself are the words I use at home foolish or wise? Am I building up my house or am I tearing it down? My 15 month old son is a reminder of how important my words are. He is a little sponge, and he picks up every word I say. As he is learning to talk, he is learning the words I use, the tones I use, the facial expressions I use. He is observing the way I respond to him, and the way I respond to my husband. The words I speak to my husband are important. I can either build him up with words of love and encouragement or tear him down with words of criticism.

“He who is slow to wrath has great understanding, but he who is impulsive exalts folly.” Proverbs 14:29.

‘’…The contentions of a wife are a continual dripping.” Proverbs 19:13

                I think the times that I use my words to tear my house down the most are when I am angry. This is the time that I don’t think about my words before I say them. My words become impulsive; I say harsh things before I think. I get angry and my nagging words become a “constant drip.” When I am angry I need to remember how important it is to control my words. What are some ways I can watch my words when I am angry?

“A brother offended is harder to win than a strong city, and contentions are like the bars of a castle.” Proverbs 18:19.

I must try not be easily offended.  When I get offended, I start to take everything the wrong way, I get mad at things I normally would not get mad about, and I tend to blow up. It is difficult for me to let things go, when I offended and hold on to things longer instead of forgiving them.

“A man who has knowledge spares his words and a man of understanding has a calm spirit. Even a fool is counted wise when he holds his peace. When he shuts his lips he is considered perceptive.”

“Starting a quarrel is like breaching a dam, so drop the matter before a dispute breaks out.” Proverbs  17:14

                Sometimes I just need to shut my mouth. I need a time out. I need time to cool off and think, before I start speaking harsh words. I need to pray and ask God how to handle the situations. Often times when I cool off, and calm down I have a different perspective and can better resolve a situation than when I am angry and in the moment.

“Pride goes before destruction a haughty spirit before a fall” Proverbs 16:18.

Sometimes I just need to humble myself. I need to lay my pride aside, and admit when I was wrong.

“A fool finds no pleasure in understanding, but delights in airing his own opinions.” Proverbs  18:2

“My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this Everyone must be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry.” James 1:19

Sometimes when I have a disagreement, I am more concerned about getting my feelings across, then listening to what the other person is saying. I get so caught up in what I next retort will be that, it is impossible for me to understand what the other person is saying. I wonder how much my interactions with others would improve if I would be more focused on understanding than being understood. I wonder how much my communication with others would improve if I would spend less time reacting and more time listening.

 “The tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat its fruits.” Proverbs 18:21

I think it is important that I examine my words everyday. I should sift the words I use, especially when I am angry. I must remind myself that the words I speak to the people in my life are important. Before I speak words I should determine if they are life giving words or destructive. 

What is important?

                Luke 10:38-42

            I have read the above verses many times. I have also heard many sermons preached about Mary and Martha. I have read about how the two women had very different approaches to Jesus’s visit to their homes. In these verses Martha is frantically running around her home trying to get everything perfect for Jesus’s visit, and upset that Mary is not helping her with all the work. Mary is not concerned with all of the work her sister is trying to accomplish her only concern is spending time with Jesus, and taking in every word he says.

            I have read through these verses many times, but as I read through them the other day, I realized… I am Martha. As I read Jesus’s response to Martha, it was as if he was speaking those words directly to me.

            “You are worried and upset about many things, but few things are needed- or indeed only one.”

            You are upset about worried and upset about many things…

            I began to think about all of the things that worry and upset me, and all of the times I have allowed those things to distract me. I began to think about all of the times I have stressed about things that do not really matter. I remembered sitting down to play with my son, and thinking to myself, “IF only he would have took a longer nap I could have gotten more things around the house done.” Instead of enjoying my time with him, I was thinking about all of the housework that I was not getting done. I thought of all the times, I have neglected God because of my to-do list, not reading my bible or praying that day, because I had more important things that I needed to get done.

            Then I realized…. I need to get my priorities straight! My house work, chores, and endless to-do lists, will always be there, but my son will grow up, and he will not always want to spend time with his mommy. I need to enjoy my times with him, and not worry so much about everything that needs to get done. I must never forget that being a mommy is the most important job I will ever have. 

            There will never be anything on my to-do list that is more important than spending time with God. God should always be my number 1 priority. I should always make time for reading my bible, praying, and worshiping God, regardless of how many things I need to get done.

            Today I make the decision to release all of my little worries and stresses over to God. He can certainly handle all of these a lot better than I can. All of my worrying and stressing has never changed anything, for the better. All it has ever done is made me worried, stressed out, and unable to face situations calmly.  With God in control of my life, there is really nothing for me to worry about, anyway. Today I have made the decision I will no longer be Martha. I will no longer waste time stressing and fretting about things that do not matter. Life is far too short for that! Today I have made the decision to be Mary. I will spend more time sitting at Jesus’s feet taking in his words. I will spend more time focusing on the important things in life, and not worry about the things that are not really important. 

Regret

There are times that I look back

In these moments I often feel regret

Because I see all the mistakes I have made

The wrong turns I took

The wrong people I trusted

The bad decisions that I made

But as I reflect on these regrets

I realize I don’t have to feel regret

All of these things that I have wasted time regretting

Have been the things that I have made me who I am today

Without the pain of my past

I would not be

This strong person

This brave person

This person who in the face of fear

Knows I don’t have to be afraid because God is with me

In the midst of my greatest pain is when I came to know God

It was only in my darkest moment

When I was able to see his light

I did not see him

But I felt his hand

Gently, guiding me through

If I would not have been where I was

I would not know God today

I would not know God’s love

I would not know that he is with me

The pain of my past

Is a reminder

Of all God has done for me

What he has delivered me from

And that he is always beside me

As I look back on my past today

I do not feel regret

I can’t change those things that once haunted me

I don’t want to

I’m not that person I once was

God has used those things

To bring me where I am today

To change me into the person I am today

And to reveal himself to me

And that is all that really matters

Expectancy

                A few weeks ago the message in church was about blessings. The pastor talked about raising your level of expectancy and looking forward to God’s blessings. He said that we receive exactly what we expect from God.

            I began to reevaluate my expectations. Many times I have not expected God’s blessings. I often doubt God, and question his ability to improve my circumstances. Instead of expecting God’s blessings I expect bad things to happen. I have often spoken negative things over my life. I have things like “This is just how it is.” or “It will never get better.” I wonder how much I have been limiting God’s blessings in my life, by doubting God’s abilities and not expecting his blessings.

            I have decided to change my level of expectancy. I will not speak negatively about my future or my circumstances anymore. Every morning I will thank God for his blessings and all the good things that he will bring forth in my life. I will no longer expect the negative things, but I will expect God’s blessings. I will focus on God’s promises and not my fears. In a year a plan on writing an entry about how this has changed my circumstances.

            Do you struggle with expecting negative things to happen? Have told yourself “This is just how it is.” or “it will never get better?” Do you expect God’s blessings? Do you doubt God’s ability to improve your circumstances? I want to challenge you to raise your level of expectancy. Expect God’s blessings. Read scriptures on God’s promises, so that you can know all the good things God has promised you. As mothers we need to raise our level of expectations, because our children will model us. If we expect blessings, so will our children. If we expect negative things to happen, we will instill fear in our children’s’ lives, and they will expect negative things to happen as well.

            If you have taken my challenge to change your level of expectancy, Comment on how this has improved your life. 

The Words Only I Can Hear

“You are a temple of God, and the Spirit of God dwells in you.” 1 Corinthians 3:16.

The other day I really started thinking about my voice, not the voice I use out loud, but my inner voice, the voice that only I hear.  As women, we all have an inner voice. Sometimes our inner voice, speak positive and uplifting words to our spirits. Our inner voice might say, “My hair looks cute today.” “I am good cook.” “I am a lovable person.” Other times our inner voices tell us negative words, harsh words that crush our spirit. Some of these words might be  “I’m not good enough.” “I’m not pretty.” “I’ll never be smart enough, pretty enough, strong enough, good enough for God to use me.” “I wish I was more like that woman over there.”

The other day, I came across this scripture when I was reading the bible:

“Every word God from is pure. He is a shield to those who put their trust in him.” Proverbs 30:6

                I started thinking if I am a temple of God, and if his spirit dwells within me… shouldn't my inner voice reflect that? If every word from God is pure then shouldn't my words, even the words no one hears be pure as well? If the Spirit of God dwells within me then shouldn't, those words I tell myself only be words that God would say about me?

                As women, we can be so critical of ourselves. Some of things we tell ourselves are so harsh, that we would never say those things to another person. If you struggle with being critical of yourself, I want to encourage you to really think about what you think about. 2 Corinthians 10:5 says that we are to “take every thought captive and make it obedient to God.” This means that we should make our thoughts align with God’s thoughts.

                I want to encourage you think about what you are thinking about? What are some of the things you say about yourselves?  What does God say about you? The two should be the same. 

God is in control

“The mighty one, God the Lord has spoken and called the Earth from the rising of the sun to its going down.” Psalm 50:1

            I have struggled with worry my entire life. Regardless, of how hard I have tried not to worry, or told myself things were going to be okay I could not shake my worries. Once a worry crossed my mind it consumed me. I felt powerless, the minute a worry crossed my mind, I could not make it go away. I would often get awaken in the middle of the night, my mind overcome with worries, my chest so tight I could not breathe. I would lose sleep worrying over stuff I had no control of.

            Lately in my bible study, we have been talking about, how God is in control. I have always heard that “God is in control.” I always knew that, but it never really sank in. I have always been overcome with extreme worry and anxiety. I never knew why or where it came from. I started praying and asking God to show me why worry has such a hold over my life. Through prayer, I realized that the reason I worry so much is because of my desire to control everything. I try to maintain constant control of every aspect over my life, when I have little or no control over many things in my life. When I start to lose control over situations in my life, I become overcome with worry and anxiety.

                        The next time worry and anxiety tried to take hold of my life, I decided to shift my focus. When a worry came into my mind I reminded myself that I had no control over this situation and that worrying was not going to change anything. I told myself that if I had to rely on my own abilities in this situation then I would have a lot to worry about. But I reminded myself that God was the one in control of this situation. If God was the one in control of this situation then I really did not have anything to worry about, because God could definitely handle everything that worries and concerns me. After I shifted my focus to God’s abilities and gave God control over the situation, my worry left my mind immediately. This was the first time in my entire life, that I could remember a worry going away so quickly.

            It has been almost two weeks, since I have stopped trying to control my worries, and giving them over to God. Since then I have experienced a freedom that I never have had. For the first time in my life I have a weapon to fight against my worry and anxiety. The worries still try to sneak into my mind, the way they always have, but they no longer stay the way they used to. Every time a worry comes into my mind, I remind myself that God is in control, so I have nothing to worry about. The worries immediately go away. Since then, my sleep has been more restful. For almost two weeks I have not felt that tight feeling in my chest, that I had come so familiar with. I am so grateful to God that he has given me freedom from my worry and anxiety, a freedom that I never thought I would have.

            If you struggle with worry and anxiety, I encourage you to get alone with God and ask him to show you why. Is it because you are trying to control things you have no control over? If this is the case, I want to encourage you to get alone with God, and give these worries over to him. If God is in control then we do not have a reason to worry. 

Just a Dream: My Miracle from God

                I remember when I had a dream I was pregnant. An angel told me that my husband and I would have a son named Ezra.  It was probably just a dream but it provided me with hope when I needed it. I told myself if I had a son I would name him Ezra.

                At the time of this dream I was not married. I was divorced.  I had just left an abusive marriage, and I began to think that maybe I would never find love. I knew that I wanted to have children of my own, but I wondered if I would be able to. I had a miscarriage, when I was with my ex-husband, and even though the doctor told me I would more than likely be able to have kids, I still wondered if he was wrong.

                In April of 2012 I did marry the love of my life. In September we found out I was pregnant. We were so excited. At this time, I wasn’t too worried about having another miscarriage, because I did not think God would allow me to go through that again.  Shortly after I found out I was pregnant, I had a miscarriage.

                I was devastated and angry at God. Many of my prayers involved me yelling at him and asking him why.  Eventually, I began to grow closer to God, in my hurt. Through this difficult time I felt God was nearer to me than he had been in the good times.

                In April of 2013, I found out I was pregnant again. While I was excited, I worried that I was going to have another miscarriage. Sadly, shortly after I found out I was pregnant I had another miscarriage. I began to think that maybe I would never be able to have children of my own.

                In July I found out I was pregnant again. I was both excited and terrified. Almost every day wondered, “Is this going to be the day that I will lose my baby?”

                Many people prayed for the safety of my baby. The love and kindness people showed me; during this trying time was a reminder of God’s love and care for me.

                I found out the baby was a boy. The doctor told me that everything looked good with my baby, but I still would need to see a high risk specialist. Having my pregnancy labeled “High risk” was scary, it was a reminder that something could go wrong at any moment. Every night I prayed that Ezra would be safe. I constantly reminded myself about my dream.

On March 17^th Ezra was born. When I saw his face for the first time I thought, “Wow, this is what a miracle looks like.”

                I am grateful for every day I get to spend with my son. He is a reminder that miracles are real. I have never forgotten any of my other babies. I know that I will meet them in heaven.