Not the garden

"If my people who are called by my name will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven, and I will forgive their sins and heal their land." 2 Chronicles 7:14

The more I turn on the news, the more my heart is breaking. My heart is saddened by all of the tragedy and hate in this world. I have written this poem in response to all of the  recent tragedies that have taken place. The more of the brokenness and hate I see, the more aware I am of how much we need God. This is my prayer for God to heal our land.

Not the garden

This is not the garden you created….

A broken world where there is no peace

A world where there is no one left to trust

A world where there is more hate than love

My heart is broken

I must confess

Sometimes I am terrified

As tragedy after tragedy ensues

Terrified… because I know

Things will only continue to worsen

As hate spews into more hate

And ignorance spews into the lies that many are left believing

I turn to you for answers

But I know some things will always remain unanswered

Why so much hate when you have called us to love?

Why does tragedy tear us apart

When it should pull us together?

Technology…

Was supposed to make this world better

But has only made it worst

As we sit behind our little boxes

Typing words of hate

Words we would never say in person

Bashing and judging people we have never met

I must confess…

I’m terrified

Because I know it will only continue to worsen

You are my only sense of peace

I am terrified

But you are the only reason I do not live in fear

Reach into our land

We need you

Reach into our hearts

We need you

Heal our broken land

Shine your light inside our hearts

So that we can shine your light into this dark world

It's not always easy

“I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world. “John 16:33

I began studying the book of Job. This book of the bible is a reminder that bad things happen to good people that being a Christian does not make you exempt from having problems. Jesus said that we would have difficult times, but that he would be our peace in those times. 

"Consider now who being blameless has ever perished. Where were the upright ever destroyed?" Job 4:7

When Job's "friend" Eliphaz spoke to him he showed him no compassion for his struggles. Instead he blamed Job and said that God must be punishing him a secret sin in his life. Sounds like a friend we would want to have when we were in the midst of trials right? I think in some ways we are a little like Eliphaz. Maybe we judge others, when we don't really know the situation. Maybe we think that if we do what God wants us to do we won't have any major problems. Maybe we complain or get angry at God when things don't go our way. 

Eliphaz thought he was helping Job, but he was just making matters worse. I think he could have learned a lot from Job. I think we could all learn a lot from Job. 

"Then the Lord said to Satan. Have you considered my servant Job? There is no one on Earth like him. He is blameless and upright, a man who fears God and shuns evil. And he still maintains his integrity even though you incited me against him without reason." Job 2:3

Job did not use his struggles as an excuse to sin. He still continued to serve God when things were not going good in his life. 

"His wife said to him are you still maintaining your integrity? Curse God and die. " Job 2:9

Poor Job! He didn't have any support or compassion from his friends or his wife. His wife told him that he should curse God and die. Even though he didn't have any support from his loved ones he still did not complain or blame God for his problems he kept his trust in God. Perhaps God was Jobs comfort when his friends and wife were not. 

“Why did I not perish at birth, and die as I came from the womb? “Job 3:11

Job did not pretend to have it all together or hide his struggles. Sometimes we think that as Christians we have to have it all together. We keep our struggles inside and do not share them with anyone, but God wants us to be open about our pain. He knows how we are feeling, and he does not want us to keep it in. I used to think that as a Christian I had to act like I had it all together. Christians were supposed to get their joy from God, so if I did not want into know. Inside I was hurting because of things I dealt with in my past. Then I joined a group called Celebrate Recovery that focuses on hurts, habits, and hangups. It wasn't until I started sharing the pain inside of me, that God started healing me. 

What did you learn from Job? Do you find it hard to keep your faith in struggles? Do you feel alone in the midst of what you are going through? Remember, you are not alone. Jesus is walking besides you and he is your source of peace. Have you been hiding your pain inside? Consider sharing your feelings with a trusted friend or counselor. Open up to God about your feelings. He is there and wants to listen. 

New Year Stronger Foundation

A few years ago I found an alternative to making a New Years resolution. Instead of making resolution that I'll probably break in a couple of days,  I pick a focus word for the year. Picking one word has helped me to work on one area of my life that God would want me to work on. Words in the past have been humility and love. 

"But anyone who hears these words of mine, but does not put them into practice is like the foolish man who built his house on sand. The rain came down, the streams rose and the wind blew and beat against the house, and it fell with a great crash." Matthew 9:26-27

My word for this year is foundation. I love the illustration in Matthew 9:24-27. I imagine two beautiful houses that appear to be built just as strong. It isn't until the storm comes that the true strength of each house is revealed. The foundation is the true strength of the house.

My goal is that Jesus would be my foundation. I want the words I read in the bible to be more than just words  but the way I live my life. 
"...But we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance, perseverance character, and character hope." Romans 5:3-4
In the parable with the foundation the storm was the indicator of the strength of the foundation. The same is true in my life. I need to be strong in my faith always. When others see me rooted in my faith, even in my trials it shows others how God has given me strength despite my trials. If Jesus is my foundation I can persevere through the rough circumstances. 

What is the foundation of your life? What would your life look like if Jesus was the foundation? What would you like your focus word to be this year? 

Complaining: A Look into the Heart

"They spoke up against God and Moses and said why have you brought us out of Egypt to die in the wildernesses? There is no bre­­­­­ad! There is no water! And we detest this miserable food. “Numbers 21:4

Once again we see the Israelites complaining. I think their complaints can give us insight into their hearts and ours as well.

 The Israelites were fearful. As I read the above complaint, I see a people who are afraid. They are afraid of where God is leading them, afraid they are going to die, and afraid they will not have enough food to eat.

I am in a season in my life where I can relate to the Israelites. I feel like God is leading me in one direction, but I am scared to go in that direction. Why? Probably the same reason the Israelites were afraid... Lack of faith.

The Israelites complained because they did not trust God. They did not trust where God was leading them. When they saw the Canaanites they   became fearful, because they did not think they were capable of defeating them. They did not believe that what God promised them would come to pass. They did not trust that God would protect them or provide for their basic needs.

Despite the fact that God had delivered them  out of slavery and continued to provide them with all of their needs, they did not trust God. As a person who struggles with obsessive worry and anxiety, I can relate to the Israelites. In my past God has delivered me from some bad situations. As I look back I can clearly see God’s protection and grace over my life, but I still have trouble trusting God in the little things. There have also been times where God has provided for me in impossible circumstances, but there are times when I worry and doubt that God will provide everything I need.

The Israelites did not really know God's character. I believe that even though the Israelites knew of God, they did not really know his character or heart.  I think that if they knew God's heart they would have trusted him and his promises. They would have known that they did not have to be afraid because God was their provider. They would have known that God cared for them and was protecting them. They would have known that they did not have to doubt God because all things are possible through him.

If you have found yourself complaining lately, I encourage you to ask God to examine your heart.  Spend some time journaling and asking God to reveal to you why you have been complaining

Do you complain because of fear? I encourage you to search the scriptures about fear and find verses you can meditate  on to stand against your fear. (My go to verse is “For God has not given me a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power and love and a sound mind.” 2 Timothy 1:7

Do you complain because of lack of trust in God. I encourage you to look back at the times God has been faithful in your life.

Would you like to learn more about God's character? In January I will be writing about God’s Character and studying what the bible has to say about who God is. I would like to follow along in my blog and study with me..  invite you to study with me. 

My mumbling and grumbling

“Now the people complained about their hardships in the hearing of the Lord, and when them his anger was aroused. Then fire from the Lord burned from among them and consumed some of the outskirts of the camp.” Numbers 11:1

            I have been studying the Book of Numbers. My first insight from this book was… “Man, these people complain a lot.” God had delivered the Israelites out of slavery. He had told them he was going to lead them to a promised land. Things were going to be better there than were in Egypt. He had provided everything they needed. As I read, I wondered how could they keep complaining, when God had blessed them in so many ways…. But then I realized there are many times in my life when I am just like the Israelites.  I complain and complain and complain… then I complain some more.

“We remember the fish we ate in Egypt at no cost. Also, the cucumbers, melons, leeks, and garlic, But now we have lost out appetites. We never see anything, but this manna.” Numbers 11: 4-5”

The people wanted what they did not have.

            They looked back and wanted to eat the food they used to. They forgot that God had their best interests at heart. They forgot that with the free leeks, cucumbers, and melons came hardships, bondage, and slavery. Like the Israelites, I sometimes focus on what I don’t have. It is so easy to look at what others have, and think that they are better off than me. Then the ifs begin… If only I had a better house, a better car, more money, lived in a better neighborhood…. Then the ifs turn to complaining about what I don’t have. This kind of complaining is dangerous, because if I focus on what I do not have I forget all that God has blessed me with.

God does not like complaining and he will not bless this kind of attitude.

“And the Lord spoke to Moses. ‘Put back the staff of Aaron before the testimony to be kept as a sign for the rebels, that you make an end to the grumbling lest they die.” Numbers 17:10.

            God shows his dislike for complaining by calling the complainers “rebels.” Webster’s dictionary defines a rebel as “a person who opposes or fights against authority or government. Reading this made me remember all of the times I have rebelled against God by complaining. Furthermore, God used the budding staff as a reminder that he does not like complaining and he will not tolerate it.

“Not one of them will see the land I promised an oath to their ancestors. No one who has treated me with contempt will ever see it.” Numbers 14:23.

            The people did not get to see the land that was promised to them because of their complaining. They missed out on the blessings God intended for them, because of their complaining and negative attitude. I wonder how many of God’s blessings I have not seen come to pass, because of my mumbling and grumbling.    

            This study of Numbers has really caused me to reevaluate my attitude and words. I am trying to eliminate the complaining and murmuring in my life by shifting my focus from what I don’t have to what I do have. One of the ways I am doing this is by teaching my son what it means to be thankful. Everyday this month my husband and I have been telling my son one thing we are thankful for. I have also been asking my son to tell me one thing he is glad God gave him, and I have been writing these answers on my son’s chalkboard. (In case you are wondering what a toddler is thankful for the answers range from God to food to spiders to maw-maw-and paw-paw to pottys and poop.) I have been realizing how blessed I am these past few days, and I look forward to hearing my son and husband’s responses .

            Are you a complainer? I encourage you to take and inventory of your words, and to work on stopping the grumbling. Consider taking the next few days to do like I did and make a list of the things you are greatful for. What are some of the things in your life that you are greatful God has blessed you with. 

My Big Mouth

“He who guards his mouth preserves his life, but he who opens wide his lips shall have destruction.” Proverbs 13: 3

                For the past few weeks I have been reading through the book of Proverbs. A reoccurring them has been the power of words, and the negative effects my big mouth has on the people in my life. The past few weeks I have been reexaming my words. I have been thinking about all of the times, I should have kept my mouth shut, but instead opened my lips wide. I began to think of the destruction that my words may have caused those I care about.  

“The wise woman builds her house, but the foolish pulls it down with her hands.” Proverbs 14: 1.

                As I read this verse last week, I began to think about how it applies to my words. As a wife and a mother my words have the power to either build my house up or tear it down. I must continually ask myself are the words I use at home foolish or wise? Am I building up my house or am I tearing it down? My 15 month old son is a reminder of how important my words are. He is a little sponge, and he picks up every word I say. As he is learning to talk, he is learning the words I use, the tones I use, the facial expressions I use. He is observing the way I respond to him, and the way I respond to my husband. The words I speak to my husband are important. I can either build him up with words of love and encouragement or tear him down with words of criticism.

“He who is slow to wrath has great understanding, but he who is impulsive exalts folly.” Proverbs 14:29.

‘’…The contentions of a wife are a continual dripping.” Proverbs 19:13

                I think the times that I use my words to tear my house down the most are when I am angry. This is the time that I don’t think about my words before I say them. My words become impulsive; I say harsh things before I think. I get angry and my nagging words become a “constant drip.” When I am angry I need to remember how important it is to control my words. What are some ways I can watch my words when I am angry?

“A brother offended is harder to win than a strong city, and contentions are like the bars of a castle.” Proverbs 18:19.

I must try not be easily offended.  When I get offended, I start to take everything the wrong way, I get mad at things I normally would not get mad about, and I tend to blow up. It is difficult for me to let things go, when I offended and hold on to things longer instead of forgiving them.

“A man who has knowledge spares his words and a man of understanding has a calm spirit. Even a fool is counted wise when he holds his peace. When he shuts his lips he is considered perceptive.”

“Starting a quarrel is like breaching a dam, so drop the matter before a dispute breaks out.” Proverbs  17:14

                Sometimes I just need to shut my mouth. I need a time out. I need time to cool off and think, before I start speaking harsh words. I need to pray and ask God how to handle the situations. Often times when I cool off, and calm down I have a different perspective and can better resolve a situation than when I am angry and in the moment.

“Pride goes before destruction a haughty spirit before a fall” Proverbs 16:18.

Sometimes I just need to humble myself. I need to lay my pride aside, and admit when I was wrong.

“A fool finds no pleasure in understanding, but delights in airing his own opinions.” Proverbs  18:2

“My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this Everyone must be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry.” James 1:19

Sometimes when I have a disagreement, I am more concerned about getting my feelings across, then listening to what the other person is saying. I get so caught up in what I next retort will be that, it is impossible for me to understand what the other person is saying. I wonder how much my interactions with others would improve if I would be more focused on understanding than being understood. I wonder how much my communication with others would improve if I would spend less time reacting and more time listening.

 “The tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat its fruits.” Proverbs 18:21

I think it is important that I examine my words everyday. I should sift the words I use, especially when I am angry. I must remind myself that the words I speak to the people in my life are important. Before I speak words I should determine if they are life giving words or destructive. 

What is important?

                Luke 10:38-42

            I have read the above verses many times. I have also heard many sermons preached about Mary and Martha. I have read about how the two women had very different approaches to Jesus’s visit to their homes. In these verses Martha is frantically running around her home trying to get everything perfect for Jesus’s visit, and upset that Mary is not helping her with all the work. Mary is not concerned with all of the work her sister is trying to accomplish her only concern is spending time with Jesus, and taking in every word he says.

            I have read through these verses many times, but as I read through them the other day, I realized… I am Martha. As I read Jesus’s response to Martha, it was as if he was speaking those words directly to me.

            “You are worried and upset about many things, but few things are needed- or indeed only one.”

            You are upset about worried and upset about many things…

            I began to think about all of the things that worry and upset me, and all of the times I have allowed those things to distract me. I began to think about all of the times I have stressed about things that do not really matter. I remembered sitting down to play with my son, and thinking to myself, “IF only he would have took a longer nap I could have gotten more things around the house done.” Instead of enjoying my time with him, I was thinking about all of the housework that I was not getting done. I thought of all the times, I have neglected God because of my to-do list, not reading my bible or praying that day, because I had more important things that I needed to get done.

            Then I realized…. I need to get my priorities straight! My house work, chores, and endless to-do lists, will always be there, but my son will grow up, and he will not always want to spend time with his mommy. I need to enjoy my times with him, and not worry so much about everything that needs to get done. I must never forget that being a mommy is the most important job I will ever have. 

            There will never be anything on my to-do list that is more important than spending time with God. God should always be my number 1 priority. I should always make time for reading my bible, praying, and worshiping God, regardless of how many things I need to get done.

            Today I make the decision to release all of my little worries and stresses over to God. He can certainly handle all of these a lot better than I can. All of my worrying and stressing has never changed anything, for the better. All it has ever done is made me worried, stressed out, and unable to face situations calmly.  With God in control of my life, there is really nothing for me to worry about, anyway. Today I have made the decision I will no longer be Martha. I will no longer waste time stressing and fretting about things that do not matter. Life is far too short for that! Today I have made the decision to be Mary. I will spend more time sitting at Jesus’s feet taking in his words. I will spend more time focusing on the important things in life, and not worry about the things that are not really important.